Pick a designated driver whn going out drinking.
Nothing sobers a person up like a skull landing in the windshield.
Now you're so anxious to get back ya know I can barely get you out of your lab coat. Booth
The designated driver isn't high.
You get a bouncing skull when there's an overpass.
When you go to Fiji on vacation you just might end up getting married without knowing the guy's name.
A full moon, tropics, yeah there was definite consumation activity. Angela
You need to be certain of your choice.
Nothing spoils the appetite like cannibal.
Sweetie this is not one of those things where you try to keep a secret and I ferret out the truth. This is where I tell you something that's true so you can catch up to your own reality. Angela
When in doubt go with silence as your answer.
I men how hard can it be to replace one weirdo squint? Booth
Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership year. Cam
Deep down even the most rational person isn't that rational.
Microscopic grit tht's Hodgin's territory. Booth
Take Angela let her do hat thing where she looks at peoples photographs and reads peoples minds. Cam
Sometimes you have to tell someone that it was a joke.
What is she doing playing squeeze and squish with a nineteen year old? Angela
A person tends to not be replaceable.
Some husbands enjoy their wives having dalliances.
A DVD says it all.
Nothing says awesome and really, really stupid like arresting the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for Voyeurism.
Ya gotta love a self destructive man with values. Cam
A vault is ideal for body parts.
When kicking down the door is out bring out the blowtorch.
Make sure to shut your eyes when you think you're going to blog up because it helps.
Somebody kidnapped a fiddler and served him for dinner in an old bank vault stuffed with museum pieces.
Hey you know what you don't want my answers don't ask the questions. Jack
Always chek for incidents of childhood cat skinning and priors when a cannibal is on the loose
Stay away from the Kava uness you want to marry some random guy that you didn't know you married until you try to get married.
Think of the mystery husband search as an epic adventure before you get married for real.
No this is enabling. No you're enabling someone with a mental problem. Booth
It's hard to concentrate when you're all staring at me.
Meaning the victim was dead when his face was eaten which is good I guess given the alternative. Brennan
Sometimes to see something you need to kind of unfocus your eyes and allow patterns to arise from what looks like chaos.
Nothing says creepy likea cannibal like a diamond in the room.
Sometimes it can just be simple.
It's good to fit in somewhere.
New rule ok sleeping is for couches and beds stuff like that. Booth
Some call it weirdness while others call it genius.
So suddenly you think my insane conspiracy ravings are legitimate? Jack
Get the insight on the insane ravings.
Start with coffee and be careful when it's hot.
Catching a serial killing cannibal cult will be a marathon instead of a sprint.
Soccer Mom In The Mini-Van
Nothing spoils a soccer game like a car blowing up with a flying leg as well as other body parts.
Doing your job is not always about being happy.
Just go and make the call.
A piece of tongue, brain matte nd some hair isn't going to help when trying to put a face to a woman who got blown to bits.
Okay if anybody needs me I'm going to go throw up then do some paperwork. Angela
There's a difference between a criminl and an outlaw.
You should encourage your kid's self esteem.
Always ask for socks and cards when your daughter comes to visit you in jail.
A car full of clothes when a car explodes implies possible trouble in the marriage.
Ixnay on the bodily fluids speak when trying to explain something to your fiancee.
Look Jack I really don't care what's going onin your pants as long as it stays in your pants. Angela
Booth can shoot me later. Caroline
The guy working the case for thirty years at least deserves a phone call.
No you're yelling at me and my ears are starting to ring. Now I'm sorry that after forty years as an agent for the FBI you're still a little girl but I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how about ya stop whining and help ok cher. Caroline
You just hit a federal agent Mr Hunsinge good thing you brought your toothpaste. Caroline
Nice and soft is what one should look for in socks.
Don't expect tears or a hu when apologizing for being a crappy Father just be grateful your daughter is willing to see you.
It's better to use shampoo instead of soap when washing your hair.
No some things break and you can't put them back together again that's just the way it is. Brennan
Don't touch my things. Jack
Some speculate while others not so much.
Mentors often feel threatened when their students surpass them. Brennan
Asking for a warrant implies you're hiding something.
That's nice word Hodgins. Ya know may computer is going to be rendering for a while wanna go to the medieval storage room? Angela
Gee why didn't you bring the big one? Booth
The FBI guy goes first.
A guy that has rheumatoid arthritis can't pul the trigger on the gun.
When in doubt go with a card game.
Allow change to happen in your own lfe to not just anthropologically speaking.
A Boy In The Tree
Nothing excites things up like a murder investigation.
When in doubt throw yourself into your work.
I thought it was good to start with good morning. Temperence
Booth's Rules
1. Follow my lead.
2. Pay attention.
3. I do all the talking.
4. Be nice to the locals like remembering their names and such.
Scientists don't listen to their gut.
I don't like people who think they're better than other people. Booth
No disgusting corpse talk and photos while in a restaurant.
Hey bugs buzz but they do not lie. Hodgins
Running away can end up with you getting roughed up.
Knock the guy out first then check the ID.
Enjoyment is the opposite of suicide. Booth
Keep your mind open so you don't miss important indicators.
Ordering yourself can lead to repeating so stick with the expert.
Absolutely not sounds like a refusal. Temperence
Or ya could take my advice. If you don't answer my questions I'll take ya down to FBI headquarters in handcuffs. Booth
If you even try I'll take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes. Booth
You can't not accept a fact. Temperence
Reap the benefits of the sexual wisdom given to you.
Learn how to share.
Death In The Saddle
Nothing spoils a camping trip like finding a maggoty corpse.
Eyes full of maggots and all you can see is the boo boo on the forehead. Booth
The only thing that came out of the kid was vomit. Booth
When it involves the honor of uncoverng body parts let the other person have it.
Some are competitive when it comes to flesh versus bone.
FYI there's such a thing as too much fiber. Cam
The leap tends to lead to a sex thing when a fantasy is mentioned.
Sir could you turn your behind around so it's behind. Booth
Try to pretend to be respectful when someone is speaking to you freely.
What's worse findin out that your spouse is having an affair or findng out that he has a secret life as a pony? Booth
Just tap the pony on the forehead to get the guy released from his pony persona.
Role playing I was being all lard ass and good cop. Brennan
The phrase is hard ass and bad cop.
Don't jst tie a girl's hands and bail.
You suck all the fun out of every moment of personal triumph.
Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles! Brennan
Slam the guy against the wall.
Make sure you explain yourself since a answe could require an actual sentence or two.
You know what there's cray pony players and there's really whacked out crazy pony players. Booth
Gouging out eyes implies someone who isn't squeamish.
Someone who's good with a knife and not afraid of blood sounds like a doctor to me. Cam
Nothing makes a person shiver like a lawyer named Sparkles.
Instead of killing the pony for not leaving his wife go with a swift kick to the testicles.
What about global taste issues? Booth
Mummy In The Maze
When lost in a maze call for help.
It's totally understandable to scream and then pass out after finding dead body where a bug climbed out of the eye and lands on your nose.
In a really small to the pediatrician can also be the coroner.
Have the person throw the flashlight up in the air when lost in a maze so you can find them.
Just knock the hay stacks down to get where you're going instead of wandering around in the maze.
The person with mocking semantics could be seriuos and waiting for an answer.
Just because someone's great with corpses doesn't make them great with loved ones.
Fact Bones there are no coincidences in a murder investigation. Booth
Just because someone says they saw a mummy doesn't mean they actually did. Booth
Yeah ok clows scary not you ok? Booth
Looks like isn't leaping to a conclusion.
A little hint FBI asks you for your name you give the whole name. Booth
Being very chatty can win you first prize as number one suspect.
If the smack upside te head doesn't work go with a good slap.
PI Code keep it real.
When all else fails go with psychology.
Just do the calculations in your head and don't bother with the explaining part if you're a big brain.
When in doubt go with an intuitive leap.
When calling in for backup on Halloween mention your costumes.
Don't shoot your partner.
Shoot at the scary clown.
Just stop shooting at things Bones. Booth
Trade guns when the gun you have is way too big.
So if you want to see him aain and you want to rub your alabaster all over and shake his snow globes be my guest. Angela
Intern In The Incinerator
Eggheads shouldn't toss dead animals down the incinerator shaft.
Just do the pretending for a little while longer after all one day the parent will be dead.
You can be married and gay.
Guys just let 'em go and if they try to escape shoot 'em. Booth
What's with the dummy dummies? Booth
It's not a dummy it's a airsack skeleton made from glass and reinforced nylon which breaks exactly like human bone. Zack
All rigt that's it not shooting of the squints tonight sorry. Booth
When squints jump to conclusions it's a Quantam Leap.
Everyone should bathe including those with a high IQ.
Wehn the suspect thinks you're stupid have someone else do the interrogation.
During the interrogation always refer to the victim by her first name. Booth
I'm an innocent bystander with a universal remote and batteries trying not to get hit by shrapnel. Booth
Don't go around kissing your sister's fake boyfriend.
When you encounter a dead hanging guy call for help.
Don't call me dude. Booth
I really should take my gun out and shoot you now. Booth
Being all giggly isn't helping any when a person needs some advice.
Nothing says creepy like being threatened subtle or not.
This has got nothing to do with Goobagon. Booth
Don't get between two fighting sisters since they'll turn on you.
The Secret In The Soil
We agreed to see another therapist not be action figures for a twelve year old. Booth
Sign the forms so I can get out of the suit and I can have a Saturday night. Booth
Thre's only one thing more fun than therapy on a Saturdy night and that's a dead body. Booth
Nothing kills the mood like tripping over a dead body.
A body that's 127 degrees is way past really not normal.
Some people really love their bugs.
Whatever you're not going to see me pay four dollars for a tomato. Booth
Don't pay attention to Mr Grouchy.
When lemonade's offered go with a pitcher.
Bike your way to a smoothie.
Why don't girls just admit it. It's a natural bodily function you're a scientist. Booth
He who smelt it dealt it. Brennan
The road to the apocalypse is paved with disposable food containers my friend. Landon
It's just wrong when a guy's excited by a large compost pile.
Foul smells can put a person in a foul mood.
Fine we might bicker a little bit but that's not arguing. Booth
You pretty much told me my penis was gonna shrink if I didnt' eat organic food. Booth
My penis is just fine thank you. Booth
Stop with the whole truth zone thing all right. Bones and I are just trying to catch a guy who cooked a tree hugger so just score the personality tests so we can get back to crime fighting. Booth
Let the anger lead you to the fear so you can get in touch with it.
Give a heads up on an essay being on the test.
Even a genius can be wrong sometimes.
Poor thing everybody should be missed. Angela
Bamboo framed sunglasses are weird.
Stalking would be against the law.
Nothing says I'm in love like calling the person twenty times a day and sleeping in their driveway.
Yes you have your shiny machines I have my gut. Booth
I'll crush you like a bug dude. Angela
A however is the same as a but.
You should at least have coffee with the guy if there were no murders.
Boy In The Time Capsule
Just focus on the case and no talk about fading away.
Come on when you can ladle someone he's a little less than a person don't ya think? Jack
A good parent would be concerned about their kid up and disappearing.
I usually don't joke around when a seventeen year old boy's been murdererd. Booth
Snorting does not suggest appreciation. Brennan
Don't be ashamed to ask for help.
So while you review this I'll reveal myself to Bones. Booth
My Geek Princess I knew the mall couldn't suck out your soul. Jack
A gentlemn brings a sleeping bag to have sex under the bleachers.
Did you fail to perform sexually? 'Cause that might actually count as a humiliation. Brennan
Nothing says dope like catching murderers.
You're not really in the field when you're in a secure lab.
The Cure is a band.
Grab a picture and hide it away when the chance arises.
Return the borrowed photo to the person when you're done with it.
Correct the other person to help them evolve.
The Knight On The Grid
What can I say I'm a girl with feelings. Cam
Even squints have feelings.
One does not kneel when wearing designer pants and deal with gushier bodies.
Grit to you, open book to me. Jack
Look through the peephole before answering the door.
Offer a guest something to drink.
Bleeding mail isn't good.
Nothing says creepy like getting a pair of knees in the mail.
I can't freak out everyt time someone googles me. Brennan
An autopsy room as a rule is gonna be gross.
Be careful what you say around a shrink.
Only make fun of the shrink when he messes around with your head.
If the priest guy wants to be called Steve go for it.
You don't get to open the mausoleum if you don't allow a person to play with your bugs.
Be on the lookout for a face eating cannibal who uses a walker. Cam
So well let's call up every porn Kingpin and drug dealer in the country tell them to look out for a lunatic with a napkin in his collar holding a knife and fork. Jack
Tell the guy when he's being stupid for not listening to you about being in danger from a face eating cannibal.
Put on the night vision goggles to make your way through the dark.
Instead of a long explanation just show what you discovered.
Don't scream when you know you're being watched talk in a normal voice.
Get down and back away from the backpage that gets dropped in the middle of the street.
Sometimes it takes being tied up naked to believe your life's in danger.
When a little boy's life is in danger save him even if it means letting the face eating cannibal go.
I got blown up. Brennan
A normal person gets blown to hell they go home pour a glass of wine, watch TV. Caroline
Nothing says creepy pyscho like yanking out every tooth to make a bomb to kill you.
When there's no gavel to bang have the last one out the door slam it.
The Man In The Mud
Mud is good for the skin and sulphur is very theraputic so dive into the mud.
Nothing spoils an evening out in the woods like finding a dead guy in the mud puddle.
Someone boiled to death. Booth
That means he didn't pass out and boil to death on his own. Booth
Serious as a gas attack. Brennan
In my experience people hit people with anything they can pick up and swing. Cam
Anus is a clinical term but to some it's just a funny word.
That was snotty. I don't respond well to snotty. Booth
Dropping loud pieces of metal won't hurry a person up so you'll just have to wait.
I do bugs and slime. I don't do arithmetic. Jack
Sarcasm doesn't show up on the trasncript so it's best to avoid it.
Don't say yes when a murder suspect asks you out even if he's cute.
Sharper than round, but blunter than sharp. Zack
I'm gonna go back and look at very small things under my very large microscope. Jack
Go on and tell the guy he did a good job.
Silence can bore some.
A shrink doesn't have special training to determine if a person's lying or not.
No lying while in the Truth Zone.
Fish are like people except for the whole breathing under water thing.
Some believe that fish along with other creatures have souls while others not so much.
A person is entitled to believe that fish have souls after all they could be right.
If you don't pay attention you're going to end up with a drooping pot.
There's nothing wrong with talking to fish after all people talk to plants so why not fish too.
Some killings are Stooge related.
Only answer the question if you're sure it was directed at you to avoid an awkward moment.
Player Under Pressure
When the word it is used to describe a dead body that always makes it sound interesting.
Rats accelerate the decomp.
Yeah 'cause the world needs more rats.
Those that don't follow sports won't get the excitement about it.
Even the really smart can enjoy sports.
I tend to look better fully clothed. Zack
Gelationous matrix sounds cooler than Ambrosia Salad.
You know unlike you most people enjoy a pastime that uh takes them out of their head. Booth
Get your hands out of your pants.
Fluids aren't an artist's area of expertise.
I don't really care about where he's been dipping his you know wick all right. Booth
Don't mix the personal and the work.
Do we get any points for this occurring during lunch hour which is as you know personal time? Angela
Ignore the one who's unreasonable on the subject.
Cockroaches legs as a rule aren't blue.
Sure you're curious to watch your suprise sex tape but don't forget to lower the volume.
Erections don't produce saliva.
I don't want to get graphic or anything but wouldn't it be difficult to simaultaneiously bash someone's head in while servicing him? Angela
According to a cockroach I know she might have been wearing blue lipstick. Cam
Are you still angry at me for saying that athletes are emotionally stunted? Brennan
All the bad decisions you've made and the one thing you're ashamed of is having sex with a not hot girl? Brennan
Why is there some kind of link between the clap and blue lipstick? Justine
RJ Manning broke her hearth and a bit of her brain in the process. Booth
Is she crying because she loved him or because she lost a mansion? Brennan
Sneak up on the guy and grab the gun but watch the finger.
The good guys remember the name of the first girl he was under the bleachers with.
The Baby In The Bough
She's totally loaded if her accountant wants her to set up a tax shelter.
Some people like to introduce themselves.
Holy crap grab a ladder when you find a baby stuck in a tree.
What just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants. Brennan
Some people aren't comfortable around a baby.
Then you should X-ray him to get a clear view. He's not a play thing. Brennan
We thought it would be bad form to examine the remains in front of the baby. Ya know creepy formative memory. Angela
Don't share too much.
That is right people I am a constant surprise. Booth
When someone can't understand you they might think you're from France.
Take off with the baby if shots are fired.
Feel free to slam the guy against the wall if you ask him very nicely and he isn't cooperative.
When all else fails clap in front of the person who is zone out to get his attention.
When in doubt go with the dancing flanges.
I kind of have a thing for chaos. I guess I'll stop when the Feds need to airlift me in supplies. Angela
Screaming, crying, vomit, other bodily fluids it's like a day around here not worth giving this body up for that. Cam
Feel free to say the word breast.
I'm not talking teats with you. Booth
You know verbal development would be heightened if you didn't talk to him like a fool. Brennan
Pay attention when your computer starts beeping.
Rubber floats while bone sinks in water.
A seven layer dip is way better than a five layer one.
Shut him up with a pacifier.
The Verdict In The Story
Whoa well maybe he was rolled up in a carpet. It rotted away with you know the meaty parts. Booth
Even the very smart are capable of laughing.
Take the time to feel the situation instead of rationalizing it.
If you were fine you'd be balled in the corner weeping or semi catatonic. Sweets
Let the shrink pick up the tab when you quit couples therapy.
Oh he's a full grown scientist. Max
Grown men come in all sizes so don't judge the guy by his height since that has nothing to do with his smarts.
Usually a person doesn't say they've lain with a woman.
When the guy with the oversized eyes and toaster head isn't available go with the one that's lain with a woman.
Apparently the color gray tells the jury that you are a serious man with good judgement. Brennan
Explain crazily competitive over and over again until the person gets it.
Caroline's Tips For Trial
1. Lose the cocky belt buckle.
2. No badges that say Resist Authority or The Truth Is Out There.
3. Do not cut your own hair the day before a trial.
4. Ugly up a little the plain women on the jury hate you.
5. Use your fully grownup words.
6. Eat last time your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.
I assure you I will be totally awesomely mature on the stand. Sweets
The judge is the next best thing to God in the courtroom.
No whispering in court across the aisles.
Talk about the crappy coffee and put the coffe cup in front of your mouth to talk.
You can't talk a judge out of being found in contempt.
I figured once she got up here and saw your scary face she'd rethink her options. Caroline
Make sure you take the right amendment so go with the first for friendship.
There is no friendship in a homicide trial. Judge Haddoes
Friends don't send friends fathers to the electric chair. Angela
No wonder Dr Geeks can never hang onto a girlfriend. Booth
Whisper quieter to avoid getting caught which leads to you having to switch seats.
Everyone misses something some of the time.
Just come out and ask the question.
The Wannabe In The Weeds
Well did you see the body before it crunched? Booth
I've got some brain matter here so he had to have a head at some point. Cam
Decapitated and mulched is pretty bad but the eyeball popping out makes it even worse.
It's bad enough going to the gym without getting yelled at by a watch. Angela
It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door. Booth
Put the annoying alarm clock out of its misery.
When a cheese slicer seems illogical start looking for alternatives.
Some say admiring routine while others say oogling.
Do I look like a scarecrow? Brennan
Mocking will no change my opinion. I've been mocked many, many times before. Sweets
It probably isn't such a great idea to brag about how many times you've been mocked.
Finally I mean one more show tune and I was gonna start shooting. Booth
There's no accounting for taste one's crap is another's not.
When you don't like someone imply that they're under investigation for murder.
Singing lessons won't necessairly integrate you socially.
Sometimes you need to stop talking and start eating so pop a fry in your mouth.
Beware of the crazy gifting you with socks.
Because it cut the cheese. Booth
The Pain In The Heart
He's five hundred years old. They've probably adjusted by now. Angela
Provide your shoulder for your best friend even if you don't want to go to the funeral.
Expect to be punched when you lied about not being dead.
Just know I won't be attending your next funeral. Brennan
Oh God who has he eaten this time? Cam
Is it a cake or a pickle? Zack
Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me. Zack
If you don't lock the door someone could barge in while you're enjoying a bath.
Well that big rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Brennan
Why are you wearing a hat that dispense beer? Brennan
You should let your partner know about you not really being dead.
Next time I die I promise that I will tell you. Booth
Well a toothless cannibal just can't cut it in today's competitive serial killer climate. Cam
You know what this is my house okay? You come into my house, there's no telling what you're gonna hear. Booth
Go make plastic cannibal dentures. Cam
You read comics and drink beer naked. Sweets
Wait a second Bones bursts into my bathroom all right and I'm weird for being naked. Booth
It doesn't hurt to doublecheck.
I don't like my fruit cooked. Brennan
Sometimes a person goes pieless.
A good suspect is the new boy so see if you can find anything to back it up.
When things are on edge try knocking so you don't make a person jump out of their skin.
You'd lock me up for sarcasm? Sweets
He's scared of polka dots but screaming agony is just an interesting phenomenon. Jack
Drugs give me bad dreams. Zack
Because serial killers get mean when you get close to catching them. Caroline
Really 'cause I'd love to hear the logic of killing and eating people to change the world? Booth
